1. “It seems to me that all people are stupider than me. Is the problem with people or with me?”

The problem is that sometimes we underestimate others and do not recognize their right to make their own choice - how and to what extent to develop. Everyone has their own threshold for a comfortable development zone: some are constantly striving for new knowledge, while for others little is enough - this does not always mean stupidity. Try to notice the good qualities of the people around you, watch them, learn something from them. Grow according to your chosen scenario and allow others to do the same. You will become more comfortable communicating with people!

2. “I want to become an interesting person, but I’m not doing anything for this. How to overcome yourself?

To begin with, put aside the concepts of “personality” and “interesting person” and understand who you are, where you are going, what you want to do. Don’t analyze other people’s lives, fantasizing about how interesting and self-sufficient everyone around you is. It’s especially easy to think this way when scrolling through your social media feed, so try to spend less time on it.

Develop critical thinking. Read good, time-tested literature and be sure to track your attitude towards what you read. Just because an author is successful and authoritative doesn't mean you have to agree with him. Form your opinion, analyze, check information, learn to disagree and debate.

And be sure to understand for yourself in which direction you want to develop and grow. “An interesting person” is a rather vague concept. But how developed a person is can be tracked. Develop yourself in directions that are interesting to you, learn something from other people.And don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone, even if it’s scary. These are the basic steps necessary to become an individual.

3. “I'm afraid to express my opinion because I'm afraid of objections. What to do?"

In order not to be afraid of objections, you need to be confident in your opinion. And for this, you need to understand why you think this way and not otherwise. “Because I see it that way, period” will also do. There have always been and will be objections, constructive and not, so you just need to get used to them and learn to feel what to answer: in what form and in what tone. And in some cases it will be better not to answer at all or just smile.

An objection is only the harmless opinion of another person who has the right to it. Realize that there are many points of view on any question, and accept this, as you accept, for example, the variety of eye shapes - there is and there is. You can also benefit from objections: for some reason, your interlocutor thinks this way and not otherwise. Perhaps it is worth entering into a dialogue with him and learning something new.

4. “How to learn to pull yourself together and complete the necessary tasks on time? My conscience torments me, but I continue to miss all deadlines.”

There are many reasons for procrastination: for example, fear of failure or the belief that the upcoming activity is boring. Although the so-called “tomorrow” syndrome is a problem for many people, its causes are different for everyone. But here are some tips:

• Organize your day: make a plan and write it down.

• Find time to relax between tasks. During such a pause, you will really relax, and not worry, like, time is passing, and I’m not doing anything.

• Take a “semi-rest”: these are useful but pleasant things for you, like reading, learning languages, and light cleaning. Pay with this “currency” for productive work.

• Analyze what worries you: fear of mistakes or criticism, or maybe fear of success (this also happens)? Try to find the reason and work through it - yourself or with a psychologist.

Procrastination takes more energy and nerves than important things, it instills in us a feeling of guilt and shame, and makes us anxious. Well, why do we need this?

5. “All my friends have a lot of hobbies and goals, but I have nothing. How do I understand what I really want?”

The first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Take a break in search of yourself and use this time usefully: separate your own desires from those imposed on you by your parents and friends.

• Take a pen and paper and make a list of activities that you don't like. And think why. This way you will reduce the variety of options several times.

• Now it will be easier to make a list of what you like. Just don’t analyze how popular and prestigious these hobbies are - just write what comes to mind.

• Re-read the list and next to each activity, try to write its “meaning”: personal, cultural, social - whatever.

• Considering these factors, choose from the list the most attractive activities for you. And try it!

You may feel unpleasant and even scared - this is how the fear of making a mistake with your choice, internal resistance, manifests itself. And that's okay! Expose this fear, tell it: “Hi, I see you!” And don’t listen to those who rush you into choice and self-realization. Move at your own pace: if your chosen activity doesn’t work, go back to the list and try the next one.

Don't chase the Great Goal. The main thing is to fill life with meaning that matches your desires.

6. “What should I do if I don’t know how to accept compliments? When people praise me, I laugh it off or change the topic."

Our reaction to compliments is a reflection of our self-esteem. And if self-esteem is low, then a compliment causes internal contradiction in us. It provokes discomfort. It is not at all necessary that you have low self-esteem in general - it is possible that it is deficient in specific areas. Think about it: do you feel awkward accepting compliments always or under certain circumstances, from certain people? Perhaps their age, gender, status somehow influences them. Analyze this - you will discover a lot of interesting things!

A trivial but effective tip for raising self-esteem: write a list of your good qualities. When we write such lists, the neurons in our heads are lined up in a certain way, and then, when we hear a compliment, the brain remembers what was written down and we are no longer surprised by the praise: after all, we ourselves think the same about ourselves. This means there will be no awkwardness.

7. “I noticed that I have different behavior patterns for different people.So, am I a hypocrite?

The good news is that you most likely have high social intelligence—the ability to recognize the emotions of others and behave appropriately. Each of us has a different social role for different people (for example, no one communicates with their mother as if they were their boss, or with their boss as if they were a friend in a cafe). But the higher the social intelligence, the more such roles it can cover. This is an advantage, not a disadvantage! The main thing is that neither other people nor you suffer from your actions. Listen to yourself, whether you are comfortable in these social roles - this will make it easier to separate your real self from these roles.

8. “How to overcome everyday laziness? Homes are often so unkempt that it’s even embarrassing to invite guests.”

Think about the reasons for laziness. Often household chores are perceived as boring and monotonous - for the most part they are. But the reality is that doing boring things is necessary periodically. And this does not mean that there are no ways to diversify the process.

• Find the positive aspects of cleaning: additional physical activity, relief from anxiety and guilt, and the air will be cleaner and your selfies will be more beautiful.

• Let music, a podcast or an entertaining video play in the background.

• Call your family or friends who you haven't had time to contact, put the call on speakerphone - and off you go!

• Upon completion, reward yourself with an hour of complete idleness with a sense of accomplishment.

After several such cleanings, you will get hooked, I assure you!

9. “I constantly lie to everyone with or without reason, without noticing it. How can I get rid of this habit?

It is important to understand where this habit came from.What truth are you running from and why? Maybe you are not happy with something in your life, are you ashamed of something? Or do you feel that the truth is not interesting enough to share with others? Think about it and you will find the answer. And remember: if you do not want to provide any information, you have the right not to provide it! Instead of lying, for example, you can gently move the conversation.

10. “How can I help myself if my soul is anxious, but all the sedatives have already been drunk?”

It is important to figure out what the cause of your anxiety is, since medications, including herbal ones, are not a solution to the problem, but a way to get rid of its symptoms. We don’t worry just like that, without reason - there is an explanation for every feeling. And here it is important to consider that we cannot always help ourselves, without outside help. Long and unsuccessful attempts to cope with this condition alone can lead to unpleasant consequences such as panic attacks. Take care of yourself, contact a psychologist who, if he sees the need, will refer you to the right specialist. Be healthy!

11. “I’m quite successful, but I still don’t believe in myself. Can this uncertainty be dealt with?

Self-esteem, oddly enough, does not always depend on real achievements. Low self-esteem just gives rise to a feeling of insecurity and fear of failure in the future. It consists of two aspects: cognitive (your knowledge about yourself) and emotional (a measure of self-satisfaction).

Where can your insecurity come from, that is, a violation of the emotional aspect of self-esteem?

• Family education: how often were you praised and scolded? what values ​​were instilled?

• Pedagogical influence: how did you study and how did your parents, teachers, and peers feel about it?

• Social environment: what attitudes and principles do people close to you have?

We come into adulthood with a large baggage of attitudes and words spoken to us earlier. You need to analyze your past: what people could influence you, who supported you and how? Look also in the present: who surrounds you now? what do you hear about yourself? It is possible and necessary to fight uncertainty: it will give you the necessary resource to move forward.

12. “How to overcome telephone addiction? I spend whole days aimlessly scrolling through Internet pages.”

Any habit can be eradicated. But to do this, decide for yourself why you need it and what benefits it will bring to you. Imagine this in colors, get inspired and make up a couple of rules that you would be ashamed of yourself for breaking. For example, these:

• Don't take your phone with you to the toilet (yes!), but put a magazine, reference book or encyclopedia there - something that you can open to any page and read, learning something interesting.

• Don't touch your phone for an hour after waking up. Instead, drink water, exercise, clean up. And the reward for this will be the opportunity to use the phone.

• Before going to bed, smear your hands with thicker cream and, without any gadgets, reflect on the past day in silence.

• By force of will, unsubscribe from at least half of the useless public pages, and in return subscribe to useful and informative ones. This will definitely reduce the time spent watching the feed - verified!

13. “People close to me died, but I don’t feel anything. Is it normal that I’m not sad?”

Since childhood, we hear that we should or should not experience this or that feeling in certain circumstances. But people cannot react the same way to everything: if only because they have different temperaments and sensitivity thresholds. We also have strong defense mechanisms that, at the time of grief, can block the manifestations of the bitterness of loss. Sometimes we forbid ourselves to worry, we put off feelings for later, but they remain unexpressed. This is not very good, it is better to throw out emotions right away: let it not be traditional tears, but laughter, screaming - the main thing is not to keep everything to yourself.

If you are asking this question, it cannot be said that you do not feel anything. Most likely, you feel shame, fear of being “abnormal.” Let go of this thought, don't judge yourself. And then you will be able to understand what you really feel.

14. “My wife and I recently had a baby, but I don’t feel love for him. Am I a bad father?

After the birth of a child, every 10th mother feels fear of the new chapter of her life - and this is due to the so-called maternal instinct. What can we say about fathers! In addition, as a rule, the young parent keeps this a secret, suffering from a feeling of inferiority in the new role.There is a stereotype in our culture that parents should unconditionally adore their baby almost from the day of conception. And this cultural pressure ruins the lives of new mothers and fathers. Dads, feeling responsible, afraid of doing something wrong, often distance themselves from the child, and their consciousness blocks feelings - that’s why it seems that there are no feelings. This in no way means that you are a bad father. Just don’t compare yourself to the mythical norm, take care of your baby - and love will come.

15. “How to stop yelling at your children? I feel like I’m becoming like my cruel mother.”

First, relax: there are no perfect parents. But we need to move in this direction. You realize that you are acting incorrectly - you can be praised! Now create for yourself a system of rules and punishments for such failures. Imagine how your behavior could harm your children’s development—you don’t want that, do you?

The key to solving the problem is your relationship with your mother. Try to talk to her about your childhood and honestly discuss what it was like for you, how you felt at the moments of her breakdowns. Accept the fact that you are projecting the image of your mother onto yourself, that is, equating yourself with her. Make a list of her good qualities and try to adopt them, periodically refreshing the list in your head.

16. “I often break my promises to my son for various reasons. Will this somehow affect his psyche?

Actually, yes, this can have an extremely unpleasant effect. Double standards, which a child often has to face in childhood, undermine the fragile psyche and can become one of the causes of schizophrenia in later life.

But it’s not all bad: if you don’t regularly break promises and don’t scold your child for what you yourself allowed him to do, then there won’t be such dire consequences. However, it is worth remembering that we learn the habit of keeping our word from our parents, and this is a rather important social skill. Therefore, find the courage to be honest with yourself and with your child. If you are not sure that you can buy or do something, just say: “I will try, but I can’t promise.”

17. “I am tormented by dreams in which I cheat on my husband. Is this a wake-up call or does this happen to everyone?”

Based on the theory of Sigmund Freud, you can dream of completely different people under the “masks” of different people. Including your own husband. Yes, this is surprising, but this is exactly how the censorship mechanism works in our subconscious. Reflect on your dream, like a puzzle, look at it from different angles. What thoughts do you have? Maybe you miss the warmth and affection from your husband? Do you want your husband to be jealous? Do you have any fantasies that you are embarrassed to talk about? Make hypotheses and your consciousness will answer you. The more resistance this or that assumption causes, the more intensely you dig in this direction: this is a signal from the deep layers of your psyche.

18. “I don’t want to ever get married.This is fine? And is it normal not to want children?

Absolutely normal. Cultural norms and traditions transform over time, but the fear of not conforming to stereotypes remains. Everything that pleases you and does not harm others is normal. Try to answer the question of why you don’t want to get married. If this is not fear of failure, not disappointment in the institution of marriage and motherhood, but your conscious position, then you have every right to it.

19. “Can a psychologist really help? He’s not even a doctor!”

True, it can. But it is important to know the difference between a psychologist and a psychotherapist. Psychologists can diagnose and advise. And psychotherapists are those who intervene in the psyche in order to help. In any case, both types of specialists are needed: the soul can also hurt and need help.

20. “Psychologists have their own psychologists. That is, they cannot provide support to themselves?

Passing through the problems and stories of different people is not an easy job, because the internal resource may be exhausted. That’s why psychologists need supervisors—senior colleagues with experience. They help to look at the client’s situation with a fresh look; you can share your own experiences with them and receive support. Mental hygiene is important for everyone, and we, psychologists, are also living people.

Universal advice: “What should I do if I feel like something is wrong with me?”

• Look for the reason for this feeling, think about it from different angles.

• Reflect on your childhood, on the words heard about you then and now.

• Analyze not only the past, but also the present.

Your task is not to worry or be ashamed, but to find the irritant that provokes such thoughts. Be happy!

Are you experiencing any of the problems discussed in your conversation with someone? Did the advice help you or maybe you had your own tactics for getting out of a difficult situation? Do you yourself have questions that you would be embarrassed to discuss with a psychologist or psychotherapist? If you want, share them in the comments - here they are all yours.