Assertiveness: what is it, why is it needed and how to get it.

The term "assertiveness" (from the English "to assert" - to assert, defend), in the general case, means a person's independence from surrounding opinions and external influences, which allows him to independently determine his behavior.

In everyday life, people often adhere to the patterns of behavior described in transactional analysis by the Karpman triangle: “victim”, “persecutor”, “rescuer” (details of this are widely presented on the Internet and psy.literature, and you can find it yourself if you decide study this issue). This model describes that the same person in different situations and with different people can play different roles, represented by a triangle. Having studied the characteristics of these roles, we can come to the conclusion that none of them is beneficial, so you should not stick to any of the designated roles. What kind of behavior to follow?

Fundamentally different and just more profitable is the assertive model, characterized by the principle: “I don’t owe you anything, you don’t owe me anything, we are partners.”

Assertiveness is a model of behavior when the interests of the interacting parties are fully taken into account (full cooperation). At the same time, each side perceives the other as equal to itself in all aspects, showing respect and taking into account the rights and freedoms of each side (their own and the partner). In other words, assertiveness is a calm, confident, moderately persistent defense of one's rights and interests without infringing on the rights and interests of others.

As psychologists note, assertiveness is one of the important factors for achieving success in life, because all people live in society, therefore, effective interaction with representatives of society will contribute to effective life: success in work (business), in material prosperity, in family (family relations). ) etc.

In connection with the above, the development of assertiveness should be given due attention.

First of all, in order to gain assertiveness (as well as to implement any change), you need to really want to change when the desire is like a necessity, and not in such a way that “it would not be bad ...”. At the same time, it should come from within, and not from somewhere outside. Without the proper will, the likelihood of change being implemented will be minimal, if at all. If you have the proper desire, you can already work on yourself, implementing an integrated approach to gaining assertiveness.

How to develop assertiveness?

Try to ask yourself the question more often: “What am I doing now and do I want to do it?” For example, everyone buys cryptocurrency - and you are for the company? Or do you really believe that this is a worthy investment? In the queue at the clinic, a squabble begins - will you join this conversation? Will you start defending, attacking, resenting along with everyone else?

Like other soft skills, assertiveness needs to be developed. I offer you exercises: audit your day, analyze communications, increase your self-esteem and look confidently into the future.

Change your belief system by accepting the basic beliefs (rights) of an assertive personality. This is what constitutes the main purpose of the implemented change.

Psychologists distinguish the following main rights of an assertive personality, some of which may already be forgotten by some people:

• the right to express one's opinion and change it at any time;

• the right to say "yes" or "no";

• the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them;

• the right to ask others for something;

• the right to say "I don't understand" and "I don't know";

• the right to be oneself, not adapting to others, and not to depend on the attitude of others towards oneself;

• the right to be illogical in decision making;

• the right to say "I don't care (I'm not interested)".

Exercise "Audit my day"

During the day, write down everything you do, taking into account any tasks that you spend more than 15 minutes on, and for each item, give yourself an answer:

• I wanted to do it? He came to the kitchen, began to chew cookies for breakfast, but he wanted an omelet and orange juice.

• Did I notice myself doing this? I wanted to check my work email and did not notice how I was arguing with someone on social networks for half an hour.

• Did I say exactly what I think? Actually, I don't really like this book, but for some reason I praised it along with everyone.

• Did I do what I think is right? He shouted, offended someone - he just did not stop in time.

Repeat the exercise for two weeks: by the end of the second week, meaningful, assertive examples of your behavior will become noticeably more.