An exercise in experiencing feelings and emotions.
Why do I need a letter of forgiveness / resentment?
A letter of forgiveness (or a letter of resentment) is a psychological practice aimed at working with accumulated emotions in relation to some other person. It lies in the fact that instead of saying to the person "in the eyes" of everything that has boiled up in you, you express your emotions on paper, working with each negative feeling in sequence.
After such a practice, carried out according to all the rules, it will be surprisingly easier for you to communicate with this person in the future or to get out of your head the already broken relationship, to which you mentally constantly return, wasting strength and time.
Preparing to write
1. Select a specific recipient.
If you are not having a relationship with the opposite sex, it makes sense to remember the people who caused you the most pain and write a letter of forgiveness to each of them separately.
This practice is great for grief living.
2. Give yourself a couple of hours of work time in which no one will bother you. It is also advisable to choose a quiet secluded place.
3. It is better to write not on a computer, but by hand. Even better, if you take a soft simple pencil for this, and not a pen - the fine motor skills of the hand involved will help you express deep feelings.
4. Letters of forgiveness are not always short, so you will find enough special tear-off pages)
5. Be mentally prepared for the fact that you can experience extremely strong emotions in the process of writing a letter - for example, get angry "to the point of white heat" or burst into tears.If this happens, this is not bad, but rather good: after all, the purpose of the letter is to release emotions outward, even if in this way.
Letter structure
The letter of resentment has a clear structure, it is important to adhere to it in order not to delve into self-pity and self-digging (which, unlike the correct letter of resentment, are clearly harmful).
The strict sequence of feelings that you must throw out on the sheet is connected with the sequence of their living discovered by psychologists. When you compose a letter of resentment, you yourself will feel how sooner or later one feeling is exhausted to a feeling of light inner emptiness and is almost immediately replaced by another.
The purpose of the letter of resentment is to reach the feeling of love for the addressee (love can be expressed both in forgiveness and in accepting a different position / truth / expectations, etc.)
It is important to remember that the main emphasis of the exercise is to live through your feelings and experiences, throw out the accumulated emotions and claims, BUT you should not focus on accusations and attempts to establish yourself in your grievances and disappointments!
The sequence of feelings is:
1. I'm angry with you for…/I'm angry that you…/How could you…/How dare you…
2. I am offended by the fact that you ... / I was offended when you ... / I am offended by you for ...
3. I'm afraid that ... / I'm scared that ... / I'm worried ... / I'm scared ... / I don't want to ...
4. It hurts me because ... / I was hurt when you ... / I experienced pain ...
5. I am disappointed that…
6. I feel sad because…
7. I’m sorry that you…/Unfortunately, we…/I feel guilty that…/I’m ashamed that
then I... / I'm sorry that I...
8. I thank you for…/Thank you for being…/I forgive you…
9.I love you. / I release you with love.
What to do next?
1. Do not send a letter of resentment! Most likely, there will be too many unconstructive negative emotions, and those words that you would never say out loud under any circumstances.
2. After completing work with a letter of resentment, it is best not to keep such a letter and not even re-read it, but to tear it into pieces and throw it away, burn it, or possibly fold the paper boat and send it free-floating in the nearest body of water. You have already splashed out those emotions that prevented you from living - you should not return to them.
3. If you completed your letter, but did not experience feelings of love and forgiveness, and a tangible sediment remained in your soul, it means that it was too difficult for you to express all the feelings at this stage. Don't worry, this happens too. In such cases, it is recommended to repeat the letter of resentment to the same addressee no earlier than a week later.
There have been many cases in my life when in my mind I scrolled through dialogues with a person to whom I had complaints. Resentment, anger, irritation, disgust, contempt, unfulfilled expectations ... A whole bunch of poisonous thoughts that keep spinning and spinning in my head, as if it's so nice to savor them. I didn't have a remedy for this before. Now there are several.
The practice of "Letter of Resentment" helped me for the first time so much that I was able to let go of both resentment and expectations, to leave a feeling of deep gratitude and understanding for the person with whom I had had a mental argument and live skirmishes for many years. It took me an hour to write out what had accumulated over the years.
So, you are offended by a loved one, a child, a boss, a colleague ... Emotions are overwhelming, there can be no question of any understanding ... Do not keep it to yourself. Write out and release!
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